I am so damn stressed, confused, and scared for what is happening and what may happen with someone I’ve become very close to. So quickly I’ve let someone come into my life, make me feel all sorts of butterflies that I am not use to feeling, and makes me question everything I thought I knew and wanted.

I’ve for so long been such a shy person, to the point of dreading any type of socializing with any human being. The amount of people I enjoy being around I can count of one hand, and even sometimes they stress me out and cause me to feel such a level of anxiety I throw up, cry, and tell myself never to do it again. And now this person comes along and changes all of that? How am I supposed to handle that?

I very much like the idea of being alone forever. Of never having to deal with another person again. Not needed someone, and no one wanting me to take care of them. Relationships and love and friendship isn’t something I’ve thought about seriously wanting in a long time.

Now I can’t get him out of my head, and it drives me crazy. Of course, he’s someone I’ve never even met. And there is a very likely chance, that despite being just a few hours away, I never will. And it kills me.

Having feelings for someone is so much harder for me than someone not having feelings for me.

bleh.